5 Ways to Manage Anxiety
Want that Anxiety to go away? Stop trying to get rid of it and start accepting it.
I have heard time and time again people experiencing repetitive, worrying thoughts about their day, upcoming events or interactions with people in their life and responding with, “I should have this figured out by now”, “why can’t I get my shit together”, “what is wrong with me” or “what if I’ll always be like this”. There is a strong attempt to push these annoying thoughts away which makes sense. These thoughts are such a waste of time and they keep going on and on and on… And who has time for that?!
1. First, gain awareness of what your anxiety sounds like AND feels like.
One starting place in managing your anxiety is to understand what it sounds like. I know you’re not hearing your anxiety like it’s a person necessarily but listening to the specific anxiety thoughts as if they are a person can help bring some perspective. Anxiety thoughts carry themes depending on the person. They might have words like, “should”, “never”, “always” or carry themes like planning for the next several steps or repeatedly replaying something that already happened. They might sound something like, “what if this” or “what if that” or assume the worst is going to happen. Once you have more awareness around your anxiety thought patterns, the more empowered you will be to cope. This isn’t the only important piece of awareness. Understanding your body sensations is also helpful. Anxiety, like any emotion, shows up in your body. This can be subtle or big. It could be headaches, stomach aches, nausea, back pain or general tightness or tension. Sometimes identifying the physical feelings can be easier than identifying the thoughts. Take time each day to tune into your body and thoughts. You can write these thoughts and sensations down, track them on your phone or simply take mental note of them.
2. Second, thank your anxiety for trying to help.
This might sound weird but acknowledging and thanking your anxiety can be powerful. Seriously think about it. These thoughts are showing up as an attempt to protect you. If you had a friend who was trying to help, would you criticize them and push them away? Even if you didn’t want their help, you might thank them for trying and see their attempts as well intentioned.
3. Don’t resist it, don’t engage with it but do accept its presence.
Again, imagine your anxiety as a separate being, creature or person. You already know what it sounds like so try using your imagination to visualize what it might look like. Maybe it’s a blob, a person or maybe it’s not something you can see but you definitely know what it sounds like by now. It wants to engage you and suck you right in. Don’t answer the questions it asks or have a conversation with it. Just say, “I see you over there. Go ahead and do your thing”. Watch it and notice it but do not get sucked into it. Let it run its course and accept its presence. Accepting its presence can be a relief from the constant arguing.
4. Accept what’s in your control now and package up or let go of what’s not in your control.
Similar to 3, accepting what you can control in the moment helps you problem solve the here and now. Placing the rest on a shelf, in a box or letting it float away can help you stay focused in the here and now. Anxiety is often about the past and future which are far out of reach. What you can do is right here and right now. A skill taken from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is “Radical Acceptance”. Radical Acceptance is accepting the circumstances that are and accepting what is out of your control. This does not mean you have to like the situation, however, this means accepting the reality that is.
5. Go easy on yourself
Don’t beat yourself up. All of this takes time and effort. You will stumble through it and need lots of grace, practice and reminders. Change is not easy. Have realistic expectations throughout your change process and remember that anxiety is an emotion that will continue to show up in your life. This isn’t something you are expected to fix or solve, rather, become empowered in coping with it in a new way.
If you or someone you love is struggling with anxiety, please reach out to Megan Tarmann, LMFT for online or in person therapy options in Minnesota.
