How To Tell People About Your Mental Health Struggle

Realizing you have a mental health concern can be difficult in and of itself but communicating this to other people can also be very stressful. Mental health recovery can be difficult in isolation and is best done with community support.

Tips for who, what, when and how:

• Decide who:

  Think about your potential support network. Besides professional support, who in your life can you lean on when you are struggling and why do they stand out to you? Think about what they have done to earn your trust and how they have shown up in your relationship. Also consider those who you do not want to share this with and ask yourself why. What have they done or not done to reinforce this feeling?

• Consider pros/cons:

  Write down the pros and cons of telling certain people and pros and cons of not telling them. Decide which side carries more weight and go with that. 

• How much:

  Once you decide with whom you plan to share your struggle, remember you also get to choose how much you want to share. It is helpful to have boundaries in your relationships and to remember this is your journey and not for someone else to manage. Choose the appropriate amount of information to share with your supporters. Some people will know more than others. For example if you are partnered, they might know more than some of your friends or family. You may or may not share with people at work but sharing with your boss could sound something like, “ I will be carving out time each week for a one hour virtual therapy session.”

• Rehearse:

  Practice in your car or in your mirror. Be clear and state your needs. If you’re not sure what you need, then say that. If you want more guidance on how to communicate your mental health struggle, use the DEAR MAN script. This can help keep you on track in your conversation.

• When and where:

  You can certainly give yourself permission to have this conversation organically but sometimes there never feels like a good time. To keep yourself accountable, envision the when and where surrounding this moment.

• Think about the worst and best case scenarios:

  Set yourself up to be prepared for different possibilities. Ask yourself how you will respond to potential reactions.

• Self care:

  Have something in mind for self care after this chat. This does not have to be big. It could be taking a bath, going to bed early, watching your favorite movie or taking a peaceful walk in your neighborhood. You might be raw right after sharing something so vulnerable. It is important to nurture yourself. 

• Pat yourself on the back:

  Sharing your mental health struggle with people is emotional work. Telling trusted supporters about your mental health concerns is part of the recovery work, so give yourself credit.

Stigma:

Naming your mental health struggle is one step you can take to actively fight stigma. Mental health should be discussed as freely as physical health. Many people will be supportive and want to know how to help. Others might not respond well but remember that it is not about you. That often comes from their own shame and/or ignorance.

If you are needing support with your mental health, please reach out to Megan Tarmann, LMFT for therapy in Minnesota.