When Anxiety Shows Up To Your Social Gathering
Is your anxiety making you weird and not in a good way? Anxiety symptoms show up differently for different people but there are some common threads to look out for. In this post we will explain common feelings of anxiety and how they might be altering your true personality. First let's look at how social gatherings can create anxious feelings.
Anxiety makes you feel awkward at social gatherings:
Social situations trigger anxiety in many people. You feel like you want to belong, but underneath that desire can often be fear of rejection. Humans thrive when they have a feeling of belonging and are valued by their community. When you meet someone for the first time or go to a large gathering with people you respect, anxiety can show up in ways that alter your genuine self. This can look like fidgeting (biting your lips, nails, tapping your foot or playing with your hair for example), looking away from people and avoiding eye contact, losing your train of thought in conversations which causes you to fumble over your words or say something out of left field (thanks anxiety brain).
Our fight/flight/freeze response gets activated because our anxiety is telling our body and brain that there is a threat (ahhhh rejection!) so it thinks it has to focus all of its energy and resources on survival vs having a grounding and relatable conversation. The part of your brain that would normally be charming all of your friends, engaging conversation, being creative, telling jokes and stories and problem solving is not as readily accessed when your anxiety is telling it to be focused on surviving.
How to minimize your anxiety around others:
So what can be done when your anxiety hijacks your brain at a social gathering? There are many tools, thankfully, that can be used to manage all the areas anxiety takes over.
Top down approach:
When I say top down approach, all I mean is starting with your head (thoughts) and particularly the prefrontal cortex. This is where self talk comes in or even thought strategies of accepting the thoughts but not engaging with them (more of a mindfulness skill). If you are having a lot of negative self talk or assuming people are judging you, you can choose to not take those thoughts as facts, you can counter them with more helpful thoughts (most people are focused on themselves, if they judge me, do I want to give them my energy anyway) or mindfully watch those thoughts go by like cars going past you, like a leaf in a river or clouds going by in the sky and bring your attention into the present moment.
Bottom up approach:
By bottom up, I mean not working from your thoughts but focusing on soothing your actual body. It can be very beneficial to start with your breath. Notice your breath and allow yourself to take a minute to just breathe in deeply, down to your diaphragm if you can and exhale longer than your inhale (if possible). And if those thoughts start judging your breathing or telling you that you’re doing it wrong, use the top down approaches discussed above. You can also notice what you see, hear, smell, feel (breeze on your skin, arm resting on your chair) and taste if you are eating at this gathering. Engage in muscle relaxation where you tense your body tightly for a moment and let go and loosen the tension in certain parts of your body. Notice how it feels when you release that tension.
Self compassion:
Give yourself a break. Don’t forget why those close to you love you so much. Also remember that when all the anxiety thoughts are coming at you, you are not showing up as your most authentic self. Go easy on yourself and plan something comforting to do after your social gathering as you might be exhausted from all that emotional work.
A few more notes on how anxiety can affect different aspects of your life:
Sleep: Often when anxiety is high, people notice shifts in their sleeping patterns. It may take longer to fall asleep, you have trouble sleeping soundly or you might be waking up before you typically would.
Hunger and fullness cues: You might experience a loss of appetite or an increase in appetite when you have more anxiety. If the brain is on high alert and perceives a threat is near (remember the fight/flight/freeze response), it might decide to store up on nutrition, sooth with food or suppress the body’s hunger to survive.
Body Sensations: Anxiety might be that migraine coming on, body aches, your sore jaw from grinding your teeth, stomach aches or your back hurting. You might notice a stiff body or be more fidgety, shaking your leg excessively, biting your nails or moving your hands and rearranging your body unnecessarily. These are all ways anxiety shows up in your body.
Thoughts: Anxiety also shows up in your thinking patterns. You may be flooded with continuous thoughts that bring on difficult emotions and can be hard to stop. You might notice all or nothing thinking which can sound like, “I will either do this well or I’m a complete failure”. Other patterns of thinking can be mind-reading thoughts where you assume people are thinking something negative about you or judging you the same way you are judging yourself. You are likely having strong, self critical thoughts when anxiety is present.
